Insomnia
by Carbo
Summary: A Duo & Heero fic. Heero keeps experiencing feelings of emptyness and has trouble sleeping beacouse of it. Heeros POV.


1 Disclaimer: I do not own GW, just borrowing them for a short time. Don't worry, they'll be back safe and sound.  
  
2  
  
3 Insomnia  
  
4 By Carbo  
  
Notes: Hey minna-san! This is my very first Gundam story, which made quite a challenge. Hope it's any good. Anyway, it's a Duo/Heero story with plenty of angst and some mild sap.  
  
5 Rating: PG-13  
  
Warning: Yaoi/ Slash  
  
  
  
My heart yearns for something, something I can not name. I have all I desire, I've accomplished more than enough. My body is content and my mind is in a comfortable state oblivion. I do not feel joy, I do not feel pain. My toes do not freeze at night, there's always food in the refrigerator and I have things to keep me occupied. Everything is just fine. I should feel content.  
  
I don't.  
  
Something seems to be missing from my life, and the absence of that unnamed something keeps bringing up moments of strange hollowness and nameless longing. It's as if my maker had forgotten to add one last part, one last ingredient, leaving me unfinished, handicapped…incomplete.  
  
The emptiness isn't a constant companion, it only tends to attack in moments of complete silence and peace, when I am most vulnerable. It sometimes comes to me at the dead of night when I lay awake in my bed, waiting for the weight of sleep to rescue me from my consciousness. The feeling consumes me, robbing me from the oblivion of sweet slumber for the remainder of the night, making my head spin with questions, wonder and frustration.  
  
//What is it I lack? Why am I not content?// I find myself asking over and over, without getting a reply.  
  
Night after night the emptiness returns to haunt me, leaving me sleep deprived, frustrated and extremely flammable. I'll blow my fuse on the littlest insignificant thing and poor Duo has to suffer from my more-than- usual death glares, bitten barbs and silent moping.  
  
He tries his best to cheer me up, knowing it isn't really him I'm angry at. I am touched by his persistent efforts, even though he doesn't quite succeed in them. But his selflessness only makes me feel guilty for being such a prick, and in the end only served to make my mood even worse.  
  
Then, after a long period of complete peace and goodwill towards Duo and mankind, the insomnia returned with a vengeance. The entire night all I did was trash around in my sheets, tangling up in them like a trapped fish, trying desperately to ignore the hollow feeling at the bottom of my stomach. All the while I gazed enviously at Duo who was in complete oblivion, snoring away at a steady pace.  
  
Then finally after six hours of rolling around, I'd had quite enough. Thoroughly pissed off I untangled myself from my sheets and padded out of out of the bedroom, trying not to shiver at the coldness of the night air against my skin.  
  
Without bothering to turn on the light I walked over to the couch, sat down and turned on the TV. Of course there was nothing on at this time of night, expect for those irritating infomercials, but at least it wasn't so eerily quiet anymore.  
  
It's strange you know, years ago silence used to be my only true companion. It was always there, the only thing I could truly count on. Silence would always return. Now, somehow things have changed. In my years with Duo and his…talkative personality, noise has become more familiar than silence, an ever present factor. His words drown out my dark thoughts, and bring me to life and out of the imaginary world I thrive in. Silence wasn't a friend anymore, it had slowly become my enemy. I had become afraid of it.  
  
I suppose living with Duo had changed me more than I wanted to admit. It was almost as if I was afraid to be alone. But why would I be afraid of something I have lived with my entire life?  
  
Brushing my thoughts aside, I watched with mild interest as an obnoxious little man with ridiculous curly hair pranced around the screen showing off all sorts of bogus inventions, when suddenly I heard rustling from the direction of the bedroom, followed by some sticky footsteps.  
  
I was most surprised he'd actually woken up. One can usually beat his head with a mallet a few dozen times or run a marching band by him without any signs of life whatsoever. The guy is one heavy sleeper.  
  
But sure enough, there he was in his pink panther boxers, walking - or more like swaying- towards me, looking like a cast member from Thriller. His bangs were completely messed up, his braid shaggy, drool was still glistening on his cheek and his walk was so wobbly I was afraid he was going to trip and fall flat on his face. A nice wake-up call I'm sure.  
  
But he made it to the sofa safe and sound and fell right down beside me. Wiping his eyes he turned to gaze at me a little dazed, still trying to look as perky as he could muster. He just looked so amusing I couldn't help smile inwardly. What can I say, the guy grows on you.  
  
But then his gaze suddenly sharpened and focused in on me, a glint of concern flashing briefly in his purple eyes. But he hid it quickly, knowing I would notice, and replaced it with a sleepy but cheerful grin.  
  
"You sure pick weird times to watch TV, Heero." He commented lightly, but I could sense the slight strain behind his voice. He knew something was amiss. Somehow he always did, but he never said anything. He had other, round-about ways of saying he cared.  
  
"Hnn." I replied like I usually do and reverted my eyes, hoping he wouldn't ask this time either. I didn't have any answers for him. Fortunately for me he decided to let sleeping perventers lie and didn't say a word, even though I knew he wanted to.  
  
"Mind if I join you?" He asked suddenly, as if watching TV at five o'clock in the morning was a normal occurrence. His offer did much please me, Duo was after all much better company then a lifeless black box.  
  
So I nodded a yes and he moved closer to me, placing his arms behind his head. So there we sat, in complete but comfortable silence, staring blindly at the television set. I found it strange he didn't make any more comments that night, he wasn't usually very good at sitting quietly still. But then of course, the boy was still practically halfway in the land of nod.  
  
I don't know how long we sat there, but it wasn't long until Duos eyes started to droop. In no time at all he was fast asleep, had somehow managed sprawl himself over me and was drooling shamelessly onto my chest.  
  
My first reaction was to shove away the drooling baka, but for some reason I resisted the urge. Maybe it was the fact that he looked so innocent and beautiful with his head pressed comfortably against my chest, face devoid of all worries, the corners of his mouth curled slightly into a content smile. (That and he'd stopped drooling. ) Or maybe it was the feel of his smooth, warm skin against mine or the familiar lemony smell of his long, luxurious hair.  
  
Maybe. But one thing I'm sure of, with this adorably obnoxious loudmouth sprawled over me, the warmth of his body chasing away the cold, I didn't feel restless anymore. Instead I found myself feeling relaxed, content and strangely warm inside and out. What's more, the dead silence in my head was suddenly filled by the sound of his strong, and steady heartbeat.  
  
And then, out of nowhere something strange happened. Some unknown force suddenly started to pull at my facial muscles and the ends of my mouth started curling up, and I could do nothing to stop it.  
  
I smiled. I smiled the biggest, widest happiest smile I had ever smiled. Well actually it wasn't that big a smile, actually a very tiny one, but it was big my standards, and it felt good. My anger and frustration blew away like a feather.  
  
Feeling considerably better and peculiarly sleepy, I stretched myself onto the couch, pulling the braided baka down with me. Getting into as comfortable position as I could, I wrapped my arms around my dear friend and listening to his steady heartbeat I slowly drifted into sleep, with a expression of utter peace on my face.  
  
My insomnia never returned after that, nor did the feelings of emptiness and nameless longing.  
  
No, my longing wasn't nameless anymore.  
  
---------------  
  
  
  
owari  
  
Personally I'm not too happy about how this fic turned out. There are plenty of things I could have done better, but that's the way it always seems to be with first tries. Plus, I think there's was just a bit too much mush.  
  
Anyways, hope you enjoyed all the same. 


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